Fail... The final frontier.
These are the follies of the Carolina Hurricanes.
Their '09 mission is:
To give up strange, new soft goals,
To commit new turnovers, new defensive breakdowns...
To boldly FAIL like no team has FAILED before!!!
Dateline New York
October 12, 2009
In a stunning development, the NHL on Sunday announced that it has awarded the 2009/2010 Hart Trophy to current U.S. President Barack Obama.
Obama seemed shocked by his selection for this award when he gave a prepared statement to the media at a press conference in the White House press room this morning. “This was not something that I was expecting - something that I was expecting. However, I am humbled by this honor, and hope that ... um ... I can live up to whatever ideals ... um... for which this... this award stands. I’d like to sincerely thank the NHA for this honor. Pause for applause, nod at camera and smile humbly. Oh, sorry. Dammit Rahm! Did you put that on my teleprompter?”
White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel was quick to defend President Obama’s selection as this year's league MVP. “I know that there is a vast right wing conspiracy that will try to capitalize on the fact that until receiving this award, President Obama was not even aware that the NBL still existed. However, the truth is that the President has DirecTV, which doesn’t carry Versus. Therefore, in the unlikely event that the President had been made aware that a professional hockey game was occurring, he couldn’t have watched the game anyway; even if he had wanted to. Those despicable conservatives will stoop to any level to try to cheapen this awe inspiring, and well deserved achievement by our President.”
However, not everyone was as enthusiastic with Obama’s selection. “I think it’s perplexing”, said Carolina Hurricanes General Manager Jim Rutherford. “I understand that the league is focused on maximizing its exposure in the U.S. market. And I understand that it was a great accomplishment for Barack Obama to become the first black president of the United States. I can certainly respect that. But, this seems mighty premature to me. I mean, the season has just started and Obama doesn’t even play the game! If the league wanted to make some sort of international or racial statement by awarding the Hart Trophy to a guy who's dad was African and who wasn’t born in the United States, they could’ve just given it to Jerome Iginla.”
Despite the furor, Commissioner Gary Bettman was adamant that the selection was appropriate. “The selection of President Obama for this award is in recognition for the many, many great things that he has yet to do for this sport over the years. And while he has never actually played the game, or even watched a game, he nonetheless has the potential to someday play hockey. And if he were to ever decide to play, we just know his play would surely be deserving of this award. Therefore, we hope that this award inspires him to someday actually try hockey, or maybe at least catch a game on television if he should happen to find himself in one of the few cable markets where Versus is available. Also, since he is from Chicago, his selection dovetails nicely with the league’s ongoing efforts to promote Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane, the young stars of the Chicago Blackhawks, as they help resurrect that once proud franchise.”
This explanation did not satisfy some conservative pundits, such as Fox News’ Glenn Beck. “It’s just not right!” said an emotional Beck. “Isn’t hockey that obscure Canadian sport? If anything, a U.S. President should be getting a nice Capitalistic award like the Cy Young, not some socialist Canadian trophy.” Beck then dabbed his eyes and sobbed, “I’m sorry. I’m just a Patriot who loves his country.”
Last year’s recipient, Washington Capitals Forward Alexander Ovechkin, was mysteriously detained by immigration officials at Dulles International Airport on Sunday evening, and was unavailable for comment as of press time.
It's about that time boys and girls! The 2009/2010 NHL season is nearly begun! What madness awaits us? Time will tell. Friday can't come quick enough...
I hate the offseason.
Like most fans, I really want to see some live action hockey again. I miss it. And it makes it worse reading these little local blurb newspaper articles about how the guys are skating before camp, etc. It whets the appetite, yet all the while serving as a reminder that we are still a month away from real hockey.
I also hate having to watch stale reruns of games on the NHL network for my hockey fix. I've been compelled to watch the NHL network's replay of the 2009 playoffs and it is killing me. For some reason, it just doesn't feel right watching a game where you already know what is going to happen. What is even worse is that I find myself watching these games and coming up with various snarky insights, but realize that I am about 3 months too late to post them here with any impact or relevancy. And that is the point of this otherwise pointless post:
I've got no motivation.
This is why the blog has been woefully underutilized lately. I could blame it on the offseason, but surely I could find something to bitch/snark about. I mean, any half ass worth his salt come come up with something silly to post about the terms of the Marion Hossa deal: "Does a 4-year supply of 'Geritol' count against the salary cap?" Or maybe a disturbing photoshop of Gary Bettman peeling and feeding Sydney Crosby grapes from the Stanley Cup? Or maybe even a cheap joke: "How many Nick Wallins does it take to change a lightbulb? None, he wasn't going to light the lamp anymore anyway!" Surely I could come up with something...
But I've got no current motivation.
I could blame this on the summer and all the distractions (it sure is nice outside). I could blame it on being busy at work (and I am). I could blame it on the pressures of taking care of a 7 month old kid (what is that peculiar smell?). But I won't. Mainly, I've just been lazy, I guess.
But fear not. Though we may be in the hockey doldrums, I assure you that once the season starts, there will be plenty of snark and gripe to go around. My motivation will return. Soon, we will be back in full swing here at C.O.I. In fact, I've got a couple of post ideas with potential that I have been toying about with.
But we'll save those for when I am properly motivated.
It's still summer. There's still no fresh hockey games on TV to watch. I've read Canes Country already today and I'm up to speed on the hockey happenings. It's slow at work on a lazy Friday afternoon - so what to do? Let's check out what there is for sale on the Raleigh craigslist for sale items under the search term: "Hurricanes".
