I'll show you underdogs

The Professional Chotchke Makers Union Must Be On Strike

I'm sure that most of our readers already know that I've got a thing about promo chotchkes. Specifically, I hate them; mainly because they are almost always cheesy. But when it comes to figurines and such, the Canes really take the cake. The above figurine is supposed to be Eric Staal. However, like the Brind'amour figurine from last year, this looks nothing like the actual player, but instead bears an uncanny resemblance to Erik Estrada or Ralph Macchio [with thanks to Cason Blog for picking up on the Macchio resemblance...]. WTF? Is it that hard to make a figurine that resembles Eric Staal? Jeez, if you can make one that looks like Ralph Macchio, how hard could it be to make one that looks like Eric Staal? Hell, for that matter, why can't they just make one that doesn't look like Ralph-frigging-Macchio, for god's sake!

Worse, the designers of this monstrocity apparently chose what appears to be Staal's signature pose after scoring a goal. I say "appears to be" because I haven't seen it enough this year to confirm that this is indeed that pose. In fact, I find it ironic that this is the pose they chose for this year. Didn't we just pay him $7 million a year not to score much anymore? It sure seems that way. Maybe they should've gone with the "I've got my money, so piss off" pose:





Maybe that is a bit unfair. After all, everything I hear in the media is about how Staal may not be scoring, but he is doing all these other little things (that we mere peons can't see or appreciate) so well that it somehow makes up for us not scoring goals and therefore losing hockey games. But that's another story altogether.*

So back to the chotchke. When I first saw this, I got that nagging feeling that you get when you see something reminds you of something else, but you just can't place what it is. Maybe it is someone you know or some incident from your past. As I had that thought, it hit me like a ton of bricks! I knew where I'd seen that face before:


Yep. It looks just like the face of those cheap blow-up sex dolls that hang on the wall behind the counter of every sleazy 'adult novelty' and peepshow store you've ever been in. Or at least it looks just like the ones hanging on the wall behind the counter of every 'adult novelty' and peepshow store that I've ever been in. The resemblance is uncanny.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "How many sleazy porn huts have you been in, East?" Well, the truth is, I've been to one or two in my time. It's not that I'm a bad person, mind you. It's just that College, Alcohol and an optimistic (though misdirected) spirit of adventure often conspired to lead me into places and situations that still amaze and astound me to this very day. But truth be told, the image of the blow-up doll face was burned into my brain on my very first foray into the seedy underworld of low rent porn shacks. I won't tell the entire story here, because it does not relate to hockey in any way, shape, form or fashion. But suffice it to say that the image of that doll face is burned into my brain because it was the first thing I saw upon entering my first sleazy porn shack, and it was the last thing I saw before the great big guy behind the counter grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and the waist of my bluejeans and threw me face first out the door and into a rock parking lot. Total time from entry to ejection: 18 seconds. It might've been a record; I don't know. But I digress...

I guess I just find it funny that it seems like every chotchke that this team comes up with (the Macchio-Brindy figurine, the defective car flags and now this) seems to be problematic or otherwise humorous in some fashion. Or maybe I'm just too critical. But just once, I'd like to see a figurine or bobblehead from this team that actually resembled a player and didn't look like Chachi from "Happy Days". But apparently that'll never happen, unless JR trades Scott Walker for Scott Baio.

Come to think of it, considering JR's decision to re-hire Mo, a Scott Baio trade might not be so far fetched after all...


[*Historically, whenever I've bitched about Staal slumping, he has usually broken out shortly thereafter. So, I'm piling on him right now. Unfair? Maybe. Necessary? Definitely...]

It's Pens vs. Canes, Pensblog vs. COI

Pittsburgh still flying high into Raleigh tonight even as they lost to the Rain-jahs in a shootout last night. Everyone is curious to see how the team will react to one-eyed Paul being back behind the bench.

Oh yeah, and it's back-to-back nights of Staal Wars for Jordan as he played brother Marc in NY last night.


Interestingly enough, I'm squaring off against Pensblog Charlie this week in the Barry Melrose Rocks fantasy league. I'm off to a decent start through last night's games:

uh, "Do it." ?

Go Canes.

Hurricanes make it a sucky November (again)

Had to get back on here if for no other reason than to have something other than a horse's choad staring directly back at me!

It's been an eventful past week and 1/2 or so for the Wuffy family. We're all moved in our new abode and life is good as a Cary-ite so far. Thanks to East of Here for spewing some brilliance in my absence here.

I didn't have cable TV set up for most of last week, thus I didn't catch much hockey action. From the looks of it, I didn't miss much Hurricanes wise as they continue their lose 3, win one, lose 3 trend.

Every Caniac out there seems ready to offer their reasons why this team isn't clicking. It's the casual co-worker who stops by your office with the "Damn man, what's wrong with the Canes?" spiel. Then there's the "esteban1949" type who apparently hit refresh on Lord Stanley's Blog once every 30 seconds waiting to comment with his optimistic approaches. Old COI friend Pokecheck is more of your pessimist here within the Canes' recent slide, eating rats and ready to give away her tickets after a loss.

Myself? I'm still undecided at this point about the team. The talent is present (enough) on the Canes to challenge near any team in the NHL. A lot of people here lately are ready to throw Jimmy Rutherford under the bus. With all he's done and the respect he can garner among the league - not to mention his longstanding relationship with Peter K - Jim is here to stay. Fuhgeddaboutit if you think there's a chance he'd get canned.

If there is one thing he's been able to do over his tenure, it's ice a quality team that glides under the league average. Note Bubba's great post @ Canes Country the other day regarding this specific topic of personnel expectations.

Justin Williams - ye of the injurious fate - returns to the fold this week hoping to stay healthy for a change. It doesn't get much more unlucky for the kid as he tore his ACL last winter, returned to hurt his back immediately months later and in pre-training camp his Achilles tendon snaps in a freak ordeal. He hasn't been playing any hockey, so at least he's been able to spend time with his wifey and their new baby. So he's got that going for him if doesn't have his health.

Justin's working on the powerplay unit today, so maybe he can score a PPG for the Hurricanes on Thursday seeming as they haven't had one since they were the Hartford Whalers. Guess who else was working on the ice to fix the struggling man-advantage? Ronnie Francis.

As they say, "he's in the best shape of his life".

Tell me THAT wouldn't be an awesome thing. I know he won't un-retire, but just thinking about the possibility gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Really, I don't know how to fix the Canes. Maybe a trade. Maybe a new coach. Maybe a house-full of esteban1949's every night at the RBC. The big kicker for me is that the big guns aren't towing their load in Raleigh this season.(not sure who's PS job this belongs to, maybe East's)

I'd rather pay to see a team iced with 4 lines of Brandon Sutters and Ryan Baydas who are ready to play balls-out night in and night out - than to shell out the cash to pay a hefty salary of a non-producing player. So maybe that's it - Staal wakes up, the team will follow.

Yeah! That'll fix them!

Go Canes!

The First of the Staal Wars this season

A long time ago, on a sod farm far, far away...

It is a period of unrest. Rebel fighters from Raleigh, striking from hotels and jumbo jets, have won their first victories from the evil Galactic Empire of Gary Bettman.

During the battles, rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire's ultimate weapon, the Death Crosby, an armored space station with enough weapons to destroy an entire planet.

Pursued by the Empire's sinister agents, Prince Eric has raced home aboard his starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save his people and restore freedom to the galaxy...

Go Canes.

Hit up Cool Bars at the Carolina Ale House in Cary tonight if you've got your drinking legs on.

The Comeback Kings are back: Canes with weekend sweep

Fan A: "Down by two goals again."

Fan B: "We got 'em right where we want 'em then"

The Hurricanes displayed some serious heart and effort in both the opening night 6-4 win over the Panthers and again Saturday night at Tampa with a 4-3 OT decision. What a wild, 24 hour ride for the Caniacs!

Friday night's game:

The opening entrance was pretty cool. I feel sorry for anyone who sat in the lower bowl (Lexus Club side) that had their view obstructed by the impromptu hanging TV screen during all that. The leftover fog seemed to linger around the ice for half of the first period.

Florida came out prepared and walked through an almost non-existent Carolina D to score a few beauties. The Cats made true on their power play chances and Stiller's tip-in goal had the good guys down 2-0 early on. (Methinks Cory Stillman will have a great season with Florida based off Friday's observations and the lack of talent surrounding him.)

After that however, the Canes put on their shit-kickers and started generating pressure by maintaining the offensive zone. Tim Gleason borrowed Wallin's nickname of "The Secret Weapon" and railed out three assists in the game. Pitkanen looked great and scored, as well as Brindy. LaCouture and B-Sutter were workhorses and their efforts paid off as Danny had the game-winner on a feed from Brandon.

Sutter will score at least 3-4 shorties this year - bank it.

In a quip borrowed from the fine folks at The Battle of California, here's your entrusted blogger enjoying the action last night:


Those aren't my usual section 102 seats, but they surely didn't suck. A big thanks and shout-out to reader Bill who provided Wuffy with an adult beverage during the 1st intermission.

On to Saturday's game.

I got home in time to start watching the Tampa game at the beginning of the 2nd period. As I saw the Canes slack around the ice, the Bolts appeared to be taking advantage of a weary Carolina squad. But lo and behold, they crept back into it by waking up and forcing Tampa goalie Mike Smith to do his drama queen act. aside:To Smith's credit, he is a great goaltender that can flat-out play with a suspect defense in front of him. But when he lets in a goal or disagrees with a call, he's more dramatic than the ladies from Desperate Housewives. Exhibit A being the shattering of his stick over the crossbar tonight.

The third period saw Carolina completely dominate play and Tampa in fact looked like the team with tired legs.

In fact, the Canes ate up the Tampa defense, spit them out, swallowed them again and then crapped them out. Outstanding play to come back from being down 3-0 and finish them off with a beautiful Whitney-to-Staal two on one OT marker.

To borrow a line from the boys of The Pensblog:

Rutherford to Staal: Me love you long time

A "surprise" press conference has been announced this morning in reference to a "major player announcement". E Staal is about to get paid, son. Will update later this PM.

UPDATE -- Make that 7 years, $57.75 Mil. Daaaaaaaaaamn that's a good chunk of change!

Staal lowers the boom on Deutschland

Just how sick might a forward line with Martin St. Louis & Eric Staal be?

4 goals, 6 assists between the two. One game.

TSN HIGHLIGHTS - CANADA 10, GERMANY 1

(AP / Dmitry Lovetsky)
No mention of Herr Seidenburg, but check out Staalsy's 2nd and 4th goals. B-yootie-full.

Canes miss playoffs & all we get is a dorky hat

I've held off on posting my feelings about the Canes and their epic fail of missing the playoffs after being in command of their division all season. I was hoping that some of my rage and disappointment would wither away within a couple of days.. well it hasn't.

There are a number of different reasons to point to as to why things went down the way they did. Injuries, goal tending, defense (lack there of), etc... but what it comes down to for me is the inconsistency. This team was either smoking hot or cold as ice. There was no in between this year. Running out of the gate, this was the only team that could slow down the Senators amidst their record, opening season win streak. Heck, the squad was playing so well that even Jeff "Green Eggs &" Hamilton was on track for an All-Star season. After ripping the months of October & November new ones, either complacency or the injured stars started to wilt away at the Canes' momentum as they won 6 of 17 games between the end of December through the beginning of February. Sure, even the President's trophy winning Satan's minions Red Wings had a few stints of futility, but they kept it to a minimum. Hockey is a streaky sport. The Canes just had one too many slides of mediocrity.

But who could have predicted that Washington would end up going on such a tear? Carolina has been so used to having the Caps as a non-threat, cellar dweller that maybe they didn't take them seriously when they should have.

Then again, who could have predicted that the Canes would have played so well after the loss of Captain Brindy?

Either way, it boiled down to not being able to consistently bring it night after night.

I suppose I am proud of the way that Timmay Gleason developed (as hoped/predicted last year) and that Eric Staal became the "Strong Like Bull" player that he was drafted to be. I'm still proud to be a Caniac and I will still be there rooting them on even if the Charlotte Checkers could beat them.

And who am I pulling for in the playoffs? Well, the Crapitals of course. Come on Ovie; you and your puke yellow skate laces go on and bring home another Coupe de Stanley for the Southeast.

Regardless of how things ended, it's been a fun ride and thank you to all COI readers who have come to either praise, question and even bash the Canes. Good times.

Go River Rats, Fayetteville FireAntz, Charlotte Checkers, SC Stingrays in your respective playoff marches.

Stop the Hate: Anti-Cane Bias in the Media!

For a while, I've been noticing a serious lack of respect and just outright laziness when it comes to coverage of the Hurricanes. I know we aren't an original 6 team. I know we aren't located in New York. I know we aren't located in Canada. But jumping Jesus on a pogo stick, you'd think the media hacks could at least do a little research or avoid taking unnecessary potshots at us in random articles. Are there any journalistic standards anymore? You'd think (and you'd be wrong) that any hockey writer (and/or sports publication) would have heard of Eric Staal by now. He's been in the league for 5 years now. He played a big part in winning the Stanley Cup a couple of years ago. In fact, he won the All Star MVP this year. He's got 2 brothers excelling in the league, and another on the way. But somehow, Sports Illustrated can't spell "Staal" correctly?

Sure, Eric "Stall" isn't that important a player in the NHL, but you'll note that they made damn sure they got "Ovechkin" right. For Pete's sake, how long does it take to look up "Staal". Hell, if you type "Eric Stall" into Google, it will friggin tell you to see "Eric Staal". The kid wins All Star MVP, and S.I. (Sports Ignoramuses) is too busy blowing the Ovenchicken to take a second to spell "Staal" correctly. Jeeez. And you've got to love the heading: "Kennedy: NHL gets YoungStars game right" . Well, how about getting an NHL young star's name right? ...Jackasses...

And for good measure, let's see what TSN is up to. Oh yeah, they are taking shots as well:

Yes, I know what they meant. But half that equation is a direct swipe at John Grahame. And it's just unnecessary to the article. Hell, it isn't even that funny a quip, and I don't even LIKE John Grahame. I know, I know... TSN is Canadian and they have the Cup Envy real bad. And it's a mortal insult that TB and the Canes won (essentially) back-to-back Stanley Cups over (dare I say it?) *gasp* Canadian teams. But you'd think that if they truly had a love for the game of hockey, rather than just some nationalistic hard-on for a geographic location, they would not stoop to taking swipes at teams/players that are sporting SC bling just because their beloved 'local' teams can't get it done.

And finally, here is the worst of all. Our own local media is getting into the act. The other day, I am perusing the news on WRAL-dot-com (I'm not trying to be cute with the "dot-com" nonsense, I just ain't linking to those traitorous scumbags...) , and what should I see? Here... Look for yourself:

Nice banner ad don't you think? I must admit that I am disgusted that the local news entity that hosts John Forslund's blog is shilling for the Crapitals. THE CRAPITALS! For god's LaRose's sake, the Craps are located in a crime-ridden, crackhead-mayored, traffic-nightmare of a cesspool FOUR AND A HALF HOURS in the wrong direction on I-95. Yet, WRAL is advertising for them? Did they forget that the Canes are located less than 3 miles (as the crow flies) from their offices? Talk about bad form. Seriously. Maybe if somebody would get a crowbar and pry Tom Suitor's face out of Roy Williams' turd cutter, this crap wouldn't happen.

Seriously. They need to get over the hate. This crap has to stop.

Voros on Staal: You Be The Judge

Well, you can probably guess which side of this hit the folks around here at COI are on, BUT some other views and opinions are always welcomed. At the end of this post is the YouTube of the hit and what happened in the aftermath. I think Voros' hit was nasty. If I wasn't entirely sure on seeing it the first time, the replays made it clear that he put in a nice extra shove at the end to make sure Staal went barreling into the boards. I'll leave the berating of the refs to anyone who wants to leave a comment.....I want some creative material here, folks.

stALL Star

Eric Staal is officially an Eastern Conference All-star. Congrats dude. Back-to-back. Try not to get injured in ATL, please.

Canes over B's (I wanna talk to Samson!)

When a hockey game ends with a 1-0 score these days, people like to break out the whole:

"The new and improved Gary Bettman NHL! There you have it, folks!"

But the past two games as a Caniac have both been of that result and each was strikingly entertaining. Although they dropped one to the Bluenotes, Carolina comes out on top of Boston tonight with a solid game and a Staal wrist-shot game-winner. Coming out of a three game roadie with 4 points will fight off the Southeast hounds for a minute.

Sergie Samsonov looked awlright - good enough to warrant his acquisition for the moment. Reports kept alluding to him being brought in to replace the injured J-Willie and Matt Cullen in the forward corps. The missing PP defense and PK skills that #11 & #8 possess are not being helped out in bringing in Sampson.

WardO came up big tonight, killing it all night and especially in the waning moments of the game.

Our closest divisional teams both lost tonight as well. A short sigh of relief by all.

But don't get too comfortable.

The Wade Brookbank fight from the First period last night:

Three Stooges - esque!

LOLStaal

Dinner Jackets 4, Canes 1.

Thanks to the wonderful LOLCats for the inspiration.

We stink, you almost ready to go?

Well, let's hang around for another minute.
(Stiller scores)
Awesome! We've got a chance. We're probably still doomed.
(Wizard scores)
AH!!!! Whaaaaaaat!?! YES!!
(OT - On the power play yet we haven't scored a PP marker since the Hartford days)
d00d - we've got to score here.
(Staal farts a shot towards the net, Walker tips in)
Awlriiiiite. Awesome. WE ARE THE BEST TEAM EVER!

The Kaberle family got to see both their sons play a decent game, with Frank getting a helper and Tomas getting an assist and a PP goal.

It was great to see the remaining crowd at the RBC all on their feet during the OT period.

Cory Stillman is a beast. BEAST!

Since this game wasn't televised locally, here's the YouTubeage

Canes At Rangers

Hurricanes interns are searching the NHL by-laws this morning to see if farm teams are allowed to play in place of the big boys. If the same squad shows up that got annihilated Saturday, the Albany River Rats would fare a much better chance tonight against the Blue Shirts.

First chance at seeing E. Staal vs. M. Staal tonight.

Tonight is Matt Cullen's chance to show NY something. Ditto for the rest of team.

GameDay Previews:

PaperWhites In Season
Rangers Review

Hurricanes History: 14 Combined Goals Against Flyers

Ah, how sweet Memory Lane can be.

Blognews Of Note

Bubba over at CanesCountry has somehow made his blog even more kickass, getting REAL people to interview with him! The segment with Joe Ovies of the 850 the buzz posted yesterday is a must read! Stop what you're doing. Go there. Now.

Bauer Skates has created a blog for all things Staal... Monday night all the brothers' teams were not scored upon!

Hurricanes Insider keeps adding cool new features. Check out "Hurricanes Blogs In One Shot" that gives you news clippings from every mainstream and independent feed that may have anything remotely to do with the Canes.

Upcoming Ebay Auction Items: Official Chotchkes

Here it is folks! The Roddy Brind'amour figurine. I guess the Pint Glasses just weren't getting it done, so they went all "Franklin Mint" on us. Now I don't have a problem with the promotion, but you must admit that it doesn't look a thing like Roddy. In fact, the figurine actually looks like what would occur genetically if Ted Nolan boffed Sidney Crosby. I'll leave it to you to decide whether that is an improvement or not. The other three (3) players featured in the figurine series are Eric Staal, Ray Whitney, and Cam Ward.

However, in a C.O.I. exclusive, we can now reveal that before the Staal, Whitney and Ward figurines were chosen, there were several other Canes and former Canes figurines that were considered and rejected. These proofs were supposed to be destroyed; never to see the light of day. However, Wufpirate knows a dude who is friends with a guy who once dated the sister of a girl who worked for a guy who delivered mulch to a neighbor of Ron Francis' plumber. For the hefty sum of a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 (the blue kind) and a half used can of WD-40, we managed to procure a peek at these figurines. As a public service to our readership, we can now post exclusive pictures of the never-before-seen (and never-to-be-seen-again) rejected Canes figurines. They are:

The Cory Stillman Figurine:


The Pavel Brendl Figurine:

And the Jeff O'Neill Figurine:

Man, the lengths we go to for you people. But that's OK. There is nothing too good for our readers.

Both of you.

Open Letter To Sidney Crosby

Sid the Kid & Staal Jr. in town tonight to take on the Canes.

"Dear Mr. Crosby,

We know you're badass and all. We've seen it. Seen the scoring a goal while standing on your head and baking an apple pie. We've seen your pink Reebok designs. We've YouTubed 'Sidney Crosby' and seen the numerous Canadian commercials where you are worshipped. Now that you're captain and all - would you mind laying down tonight and letting our boys win one? No? OK then, we'll just have to kick your asses then. My boy TIMAAAAY doesn't care about penalties, he'll just throw down. It'll be fun. Then, Jordan and Eric can go out and buy everyone drinks at Sullivan's tonight, K? Stick around, we'll all go to the World Beer Festival in Durham tomorrow - we'll send Trevor Letowski and some Albany River Rats to play the Caps Saturday, don't worry about it."