I'll be spending the small amount of free time for blogging this week at Barry Melrose Rocks as we satirize all the trades, rumors and rumours happenings (or make up our own stories and pretend).
Maybe if you bug him enough, East Of Here will make a dramatic entrance at some point with a story of his new baby.
@theHurricanesTeam: The black helicopters are preparing for landing at the RBC after Saturday's loss to the NHL worst Atlanta Thrashers. Face palm. 
Even Bomani Jones knows that the Canes don't stand a chance even if all the Sharks players showed up wasted to the game tonight. But who knows, stranger things have happened. Join in the fun with me over at Canes Country's game thread comments section. The super-cool SBNation comments make it like a live blog so if you're staying up tonight, stop by and join in. Or at least stop by to look at our comments as we constantly curse when Leighton gives up a goal tonight.
ps - By the way, how do people on the west coast stay up so late all the time? I've been exhausted this week! Whew! (joking. I'm sometimes an idiot, but not that bad. At least not today.)
pps - Good to know that the boys @ 850 the Buzz have a Blow-up sex doll Eric Staal bobblehead in the studio with them.
Ugh. Back to the Holy Shit Buffalo's Cold Arena tonight for the Hurricanes tonight. Attempting to snap the skid - this easily still looks like a team that could lose a few more before they right the ship.
Some random thoughts for you on a frozen tundra of a Saturday:
Paul Maurice's performance as coach so far hasn't blown away anyone. In a way, deep down I'm sort of glad he's not killing-it-good as I eagerly await the eventual hiring of Ronnie Francis as the new head coach next summer (ready or not).
Tim Gleason is never one to stop short of providing some good press. He's dropped some jewels this year including the now infamous "That's what happens when you suck" and accurately summed up the Toronto effort as "piss-poor".
I like coffee. A lot.
D-Lee is an underground Sabres homer, apparently. How sweet of him. (I kid, of course - David is my hero.)
Like the Canes, the Sabres have been riding the "meh"-boat this season. They certainly have the talent and have shown the potential to dominate games but have lacked the consistency on a game-to-game basis. Sounds familiar right? There are several worthy Sabres blogs out there, but my choice is the vintage BfloBlog.
Lindy Ruff is a great coach, but I still think he's an ass.
Staal did his Hay-zeus Christo impression during his goal celebration Thursday night. I likes.
I heart the NHL Network. What the hell would we do without it? Further more, why isn't Carrie Milbank working for Versus full time yet? Of course she's a stone cold stunner of a beauty - but she's entertaining, accurate, enlightening and knows her hock-ah-jah-wee-ah pretty well.
Speaking of Versus - I still don't understand why they can only show two games a week. Monday & Tuesday nights are apparently the only nights that important games are played in the US of A. Johnny Forslund has been a stud on his VS appearances though. I always dig reading what Steve Lepore has to say about the pucky media. Check him out.
You will freeze your nips off outside today. The Leafs came and brought their weather with them as they came and shat on the South (they beat the Thrash Friday night). Stay inside by the fire all day. Watch TV. Cuddle up with your doggy or kitty.
If you're a drinker - try this recipe for BunWarmers and you'll thank me later.
Go Canes.
and a special shout-out to Coach Kay Yow, who is an inspiration to us all. Hang in there, Coach. 
Tuesday night has the Canes finishing up a brief, three game road trip in Ottawa before a home game against the Leafs on Thursday. Not to pile on, but in case you didn't already know - Ottawa isn't very good this year.
Okay, they're terrible.
After a dominant run through the 06-07 playoffs that ended with a defeat to Anaheim, they mother-trucked their way through the first half of the season compiling a franchise best winning streak at the start last year. Then, they started to slide. They made the playoffs last season (largely in part because the Hurricanes shit the bed didn't) but were easily swept by the Penguins.
This season, the slide continues as they currently sit 29th out of 30 NHL teams just above the Drive-For-John-Tavares NY Islanders. Fans are calling for GM Bryan Murray's head. They're calling for Coach Craig Hartsburg head. Amidst all this clamo(u)r - the Senators bloggers have been keeping us all entertained.
Where the Hurricanes have been using the team slogan of "Our Team. Our Tradition.", if you visit the Ottawa Senators front page, you see "A Force United". With the disappointing play over the past year - the Sens Army has formed an underground rebellion of sorts titled "A Farce United".
Above is friend to COI, Senators Lost Cojones, seen shortly after drowning his sorrows in his bitchin man room. SLC runs the hysterical blog, Five For Smiting. SLC was kind enough to give us a bit of a scouting report on his favorite team of underachievers:
"we're a mess. We can't score, can't stop getting scored upon, the goalies can't be trusted (Young Master Elliot aside), the coaching staff have no clue how to fix it, the GM just sits there and scowls, the playoffs are nothing but a pipe dream, and the howling mobs are so discouraged, we've put away the torches and pitchforks and pulled out the "Welcome John Tavares!" banners. I think that just about covers it. Good luck on Tuesday. Please be gentle."
Thanks for stopping by SLC, and may Joe Corvo & Patrick Eaves haunt your soul both score hat tricks give you a big high-five!
Ottawa has all the talent needed to win on any given night but hasn't. Carolina could easily be walking into a trap here. We'll see what happens I suppose!
Go Canes!
Yesterday, the Hurricanes got plastered by the Bruins 5-1. Yes, plastered. Ho hum.
To make matters worse, NC State got beat down by an undefeated Clemson team 63-51 and the Carolina Panthers absolutely showed their ass in a playoff defeat to (of all teams) the Arizona Cardinals.
Umm, go Chargers?
I took the wife out last night for a nice dinner right around 7:00, scheduled to come back in and catch the game on the DVR. As it was apparently the night of every Raleigh high school's Winterfest/Sadie Hawkins and all the restaurants were overrun with dressed up teens, we didn't make it back home until 9:30ish.
As I watched the first trimester, it became obvious early that the Canes had returned to their lackluster form and displayed why the NHL's worst penalty killing team owns that tag. And this less than 24 hours after a confidence boosting and much-needed win over Washington that propelled them back up to the SE Division lead.
What's with Cam Ward being "Tortarella'd" last night? Obviously he was being hung out to dry, and stopping breakaways aren't his thing, but damn you'd think after three early ones it's time for a change no? Crackers saw his first action since being recalled from Albany and didn't allow any further.
Needless to say, let's be glad they didn't put on this kind of crap at a home game. As much as this team needs the revenue from butts in the seats at home, performances like this are simply killing the team this season. How many games now has it been where they get shelled like that? Just be glad they didn't make it 8 goals like the Buffaslugs did earlier this year. But for every one solid and sound game the Canes have had this year, there is another where the effort just isn't present.
Eric Staal has picked a hell of time in the season to be on a cold streak. Although he shined in ATL at the All-Star game as the MVP, he can't seem to create any goals without Malkin or Brian Campbell out on the ice with him.
So after the debauchery that was that 1st period, I could simply watch the game in ultra fast forward and wait to see the goals light up. Nothing did. Not a game worth wasting a Saturday night watching.
There were some other things worth watching last night however. The SNL repeat of Feist performing live came on. Leslie Feist, who IMHO has the sexiest voice in music, is Canada's finest and performed their iPod commercial super hit, "1,2,3,4" followed by "Feel It All". This band is extremely talented and performed at or above their potential. (Take the hint Canes).
Here they are performing "Feel It All" acoustically from the Jimmy Kimmel show:
Taking a page out of the Dallas Cowboys' celebrity distractions, this blogger is blaming last night's 4-2 loss to the Rangers on a beautiful deterrent in the crowd. Yeah, thats it! The Hurricanes lost because they were too busy oogling at the likes of this:
All jokes aside, despite the boys being outhustled, outhit and outscored - this was a great game to watch. Up until the 2nd half of the 3rd period, it was a close match featuring the "recognizable" names of each team scoring. Jagr scores two. Staal scores. Drury & Gomez show up on the sheet. Sean Avery pisses everyone off (surprise).
Also, a big +1 to Tripp Tracy with the quote of the year:
"Someone should stand up and just beat the crap out of Sean Avery."
Petey Friesen, the Canes head trainer, has had his work cut out for him here lately. Rosie, Avi & now even Matt Cullen are getting the flashlights to their eyeballs with concussions. It's a tough one to swallow, but it is just one game among several that are on tap for the Canes in the next few days.
With the final regular season game against Montreal on Saturday, C.O.I. has crossed streams joined forces with Four Habs Fans - Our NSFW friends to the North.. Enjoy!
Hey there! We are the fine yet perverted folks from Four Habs Fans. All you need to know about us is we seek to unite Montreal's two greatest institutions - Les habitants and strippers.
Thanks to wufpirate for proposing this little cross-posting experiment. We apologize in advance for any Hartford Whalers jokes. We really miss The Whale.Why are you a Habs fan?
HabsFan10: Well, my father was a Habs fan, and his father, and I suppose if there was any way my grandfather's father was getting game results he would have been a Habs fan too. Born in the 70's, when the Habs played steamroller to the rest of the league's random bike left on the curb. Plus my Dad made it quite clear that any cheering for the Leafs would result in immediate banishment from the family. That's a pretty heavy thing to lay on a four-year old.HF29: This post explains it.
What do you like / dislike about Carolina?HF10: I dislike that they aren't still in Hartford. I miss the Whale. I dislike that terrible logo and the not so great uniforms, and I dislike Justin William's errant stick that nearly blinded Koivu. I dislike Erik Cole with a head full of steam bearing down on our goalie, Rod Brind'amour winning every faceoff, and Cam Ward standing on his head.
I like Carolina's crazy, loud, tailgating fans. I really like the Ice Girls. I like that your most famous season ticket holder is the Nature Boy Ric Flair, and I love the "Whooooooooo!!!!" after Canes goals (except against Montreal, of course). I like that your rink is sponsored by a Canadian Bank.
HF10: So many to mention, but here's a unique one: I remember watching Lafleur's retirement ceremony with the "Guy" painters caps they handed out to the crowd. I would have killed for one of those beauties. It was before those types of things became the norm, so the whole thing was surreal ... but the Forum was rocking with "Guy! Guy! Guy!" chants coming down from the rafters through the cigarette smoke haze. Awesome.
HF29: Rioting in the streets.Lowest moment as a MTL fan?
HF10: The Dark Ages of the 90's and early 2000's, when Savard, Houle, and Corey got rid of Hall of Fame talent in trades and whiffed on a decade's worth of picks, symbolized by the abominable decision to side with Mario Tremblay, a mediocre, hotheaded, confrontational buffoon/coach over the greatest goalie of his generation. The franchise is still suffering the effects.HF29: Whatever the last loss is.
When I'm not following my team, I'm...HF10: following my one-year old daughter's path of destruction through the house, hoping she doesn't swing her latest toy/weapon anywhere near the china cabinet or pull down the Christmas tree.
HF29: at a strip club. Duh.
Big test tonight for the Hurricanes at the St. Petey's Forum in TB.
Which team shows up? One that can't beat a bottom feeder Caps team or the one that stomps through Canada kicking ass/taking names?
To make things tougher for the Canes, some minor-leaguer named Mathieu Darche is on a 3-game goal streak. The former Dinner Jacket's farm-teamer has a career high in that span. He is -2 in two games played against Carolina (out of the 400th time the teams have met this season). He apparently is causing a stir with his on-ice antics prompting Sugar Ray Emery to take a shot at his leg the other night.
Puck drops at 7:30 tonight on FSN South. Prepare for pure adulation of Vinnie Lecavalier from Tripp Tracy.
Hurricanes interns are searching the NHL by-laws this morning to see if farm teams are allowed to play in place of the big boys. If the same squad shows up that got annihilated Saturday, the Albany River Rats would fare a much better chance tonight against the Blue Shirts.
First chance at seeing E. Staal vs. M. Staal tonight.
Tonight is Matt Cullen's chance to show NY something. Ditto for the rest of team.
Buffalo 8, Hurricanes 1
Another blowout loss to Tampa Bay, yet another game against the Thrashers coming up. ATL, fair warning - you're in for a beatdown Friday night.
Now I am not one to go in for just any old conspiracy theory. In fact, other than believing that Elvis is alive, Bigfoot exists, Aliens killed Kennedy, and the Masons are poisoning the wells, I'm pretty much conspiracy intolerant. But this game tonight made me wonder. Surely a couple of sour grapes media articles couldn't sway the refs. That is just crazy talk. But then, it hit me like a ton of bricks! Logical reasoning kicked in...
Q. Who is the Senior Vice President and Director of Hockey Operations for the NHL?
A. That would be Colin Campbell.
Q. And what is his job?
A. To review the officials and direct them how to call the games.
Q. And who is Colin's son?
A. Well, that would be Gregory Campbell.
Q. And what does he do for a living?
A. He is an NHL player.
Q. And who does he play for?
[drumroll please...]
A. The FLORIDA PANTHERS!!!
And there it is folks! The smoking gun. The cold, hard truth in black and white (with little orange stripes on its sleeves) . It's a conspiracy I tell you. Well, it's a shame that Colin wasn't on the Warren Commission. Because if he were, the aliens would've been exonerated and Kennedy would've been called for a dive...
Seriously.
With their chance to defend Lord Stanley on the line and five games left before the playoffs start; apparently the boys are.
Flyers 5, Canes 1
This is where the ECU Pirate in me says "AARRRRRGHHH" in frustration.
Oh well, at least Mike Commodore will be able to show up at everyone's Cup party this summer.
